Host of New Moon Women’s Circles + Mama to Willa and Trey
what does confidence mean to you?
Confidence is about unapologetically loving yourself. It's about bravely showing up for yourself in each exact moment, no matter how “good” or “bad” you feel. Because it doesn’t matter how we feel — at any part of any day we can feel any range of emotions and positive/negative feelings about ourselves. That makes you human. But what makes you a CONFIDENT human is the compassion you extend to yourself in any type of situation no matter what kind of day you had because you know that you did your best and you were authentically, unapologetically YOU. And you are and always will be, perfect just the way you are. So you can have confidence that you will always be enough.
I grew up in St. Louis as the oldest of four kids. We have always been very close and still are today, and for that I feel so lucky. As I grew up, I did all of the things you are “supposed” to do: go to college, get a good job, buy my own place, marry the love of my life, have kids, settle down. But once I achieved each of these milestones, I realized that my soul was craving more. Not more “things” or achievements, but rather more connection. More purpose. More meaning.
For some reason I had always thought that the goal of growing up was to get to a comfortable place. A place where you had all of these things I listed above and therefore were content. Like you get to a certain point in life where it gets easy and you just coast through the rest of it.
Well thankfully that entire belief system was thrown out the window when I was 37 and experienced an awakening of sorts. I was physically having panic attacks for the first time in my life and I believe it was my body’s way of getting my attention that this gift of a life that I have been given is meant for more. I am meant for more. Life is not meant to be spent in a perpetual comfort zone. It is meant to be pushed and pulled to uncomfortable places so that we are able to grow. Forever for the rest of our lives.
It was in this rather dark time in my life that I was forced to face some real truths in my life. After some months of trial and error on the healing front, I realized that what I was going through wasn’t physical and it wasn’t mental. It was spiritual.
My soul was craving a spiritual connection that I was so desperately missing in my life. I didn’t know who I was beyond a wife, mother, friend, daughter. Those are just labels. Who AM I? What do I stand for? What are my values? Why have I been put on this earth? What is my purpose in life?
I knew that I had work to do. And I choose to use astrology as the framework for doing the work. Actually, astrology chose me. The best way I can describe it is that I was “called” to start a series of women’s circles based on the lunar cycle. Specifically, I felt that I needed to host circles on the new moon that were centered on the current astrology. Now at first, this seemed crazy to me. I did not know a SINGLE thing about astrology, other than that I am a Cancer and I did not have a SINGLE person in my life that would want to come to something like that. Why would I be chosen to do something like this? Spoiler: because it was the healing I needed in my life. Oh and that whole life-purpose thing? Well this is laying the foundation for just that.
It took me a few months of fully accepting that this was my path, but once I did and started believing that I was worthy of having something like this in my life, it all happened. One thing at a time, it started coming together. New friend after new friend were welcomed into my life. Women I had never met before that were supporting me. A physical location that just opened its door to me (hi, LARK!). And the confidence in knowing that this is what I was made to do. Not necessarily host these circles but rather to bring women together. To create a community of women that want something deeper. More purposeful. More supportive. More alive.
When I was first being pulled towards astrology last year, there was this one quote from the Astrotwins that really got my attention, “astrology is a tool for radical forgiveness.” I didn’t get it at first, but then as I started doing the work and digging deeper, it clicked for me. Think of all of the things you thought growing up that were “wrong with you”. Maybe you were told that you were too bossy, too uptight, too sensitive, too loud. Maybe you believed that you were lazy or anti- social? Well guess what? You aren’t anti-social, you are probably just a Cancer (me!) who likes to stay in your shell because you are a crab. And there is nothing wrong with it. In fact, it is a gift! You are a nurturer at heart and all of that time you spend in your house while everyone else is outside is so that they can be taken care of when the are ready to come in. So you can forgive yourself and stop seeing it as a bad thing. It’s just how you are and it's for a reason. Everything about you is intentional and nothing is a mistake. Astrology has helped me see things from this perspective and appreciate that we all have unique gifts to share with the world so let’s discover them, forgive ourselves for any past judgement around them and celebrate them. Because they are just that: gifts. And gifts are meant to be celebrated. So that’s what I hope to continue to cultivate going forward. A community of women that unapologetically love themselves.
Life is not meant to be spent in a perpetual comfort zone. It is meant to be pushed and pulled to uncomfortable places so that we are able to grow. Forever for the rest of our lives.
When is your first memory of feeling confident?
I was in sixth grade and on the school’s speech team. I had always enjoyed the idea of being on stage and performing for people, it just never occurred to me that I would actually be good at it. When it came time for the first competition, my best friend and I performed our (what we thought to be) hilarious duet together and we WON. I remember the blue ribbon and everything. And I remember the feeling of pride I had when hearing from other people that I was actually really good at something. I just thought I was having fun, but that was the trick. I did it simply because it brought me joy and not for the trophies.
That was a huge lesson for me because as I went on to perform other things in life, I noticed that when I did it with the intention of wanting fame and adoration from others, I was never successful. If I wanted to have true confidence, it had to come from my heart and be an authentic expression of me. If I wanted others to love me, I had to first love myself. This is a lesson I am STILL learning, by the way. If I want to be successful in any new project, I have to go into it asking the question: what can I bring to this that is 100% uniquely me that no one else can bring? How can I make this authentically MINE? When I was coming from this mindset of confidence, it usually guarantees success.
WHEN IS YOUR FIRST MEMORY OF FEELING INSECURE?
It was the summer that I turned 14 and I was at my friend’s house getting ready to go out. I was the first one to finish getting ready because, to me, that meant literally just putting on whatever clothes I brought (read: Abercrombie polo, jean skort and Doc Martens, HELLO 1994), maybe brushing my hair and that’s it. So I was waiting downstairs, talking to my friend’s brother, just hanging out when a new girl at school who I wasn’t super close to, walked downstairs in what I perceived to be the fanciest outfit (read: white short shorts, black tight shirt and patent leather wedge sandals again HELLO 1994), with full makeup on and her hair done. She got attention from EVERYONE at the house, which made me feel insecure and inadequate. Because here I was, just being myself and that meant nothing to anyone. But if I could be more like her? Then I would get attention. I thought that being myself wasn’t going to get me anywhere because it didn’t get me EXTERNAL validation which was what I thought confidence was all about.
WHAT MAKES YOU FEEL MOST CONFIDENT NOW? HOW HAS THIS CHANGED?
Now I realize that external validation is meaningless and all that matters is how much I love myself. Self love = confidence. And we can only love ourselves if we are showing up for ourselves daily by extending kindness, compassion and understanding, no matter what kind of day you had.
Did you lose it yelling at your kids because they wouldn’t listen to a thing you said? That’s okay, you are still worthy of love. Ate all of the snacks in a binge of emotional eating? That’s okay, you are still worthy of love. Spent another day getting nothing done on your to-do list? That’s okay, you are still worthy of love.
Just keep showing up for yourself with love and you will realize that nothing is unfixable and anything is possible as long as you keep being authentically you.
What is something you’re most proud of?
I am really proud of the mother that I have become with my kids. Loving them has been the one area of my life that has always felt effortless. And that clicked for me when they were little: that everything I do for them should first and foremost come from a place of love. The rest will fall into place. Love is my #1 value in life. It is all around our family all of the time in every form: hugs, kisses, art, cards, listening to each other, eye to eye contact, real conversations, genuine compliments, lots of words of affirmation, acts of service. And I am proud that I am raising them in an environment where that is undeniable. Some days are going to be hard as hell for them. And there is nothing I can do to prevent that. But I can allow them to inherently know that no matter how much “bad” there was in their day, there will always be more “good”. Love always wins. And not only are they surrounded by it, but it is in their heart with them forever because I am raising them to love themselves. Because I believe that if you teach a child to love themselves, they will have the confidence to fly and not be afraid to fall. Because they will know that no matter what, they are enough just as they are. They are perfect just as they are.
What advice would you give to your younger self?
Stop looking out so much and turn your attention in. Do YOU feel beautiful? Do YOU feel worthy? Do YOU feel like you are enough? If not, then take the time to get there. It isn’t as hard as you think. You are perfect just the way you are and nothing about you is a mistake. Take all of that time you spent worrying about what others think and channel that inwards so you can connect with yourself and ultimately love yourself. Because that’s all that matters. The world will fall in love with you if you first fall in love with yourself.
How are you using your platform to make a difference?
My goal is to encourage other women to unapologetically love themselves. Because when we love ourselves, our energy will attract all of the things necessary to live a purposeful life.
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